Yes, the title may be a bit dramatic but lets face it, I am slightly more dramatic than most. At the beginning of this year I made the tough, or impulsive, not sure which, decision to switch from big bad University to College, for one year only until I got into my dream school (Mail fairy please send that letter or I swear…).
Isolation and Denial
So lets start with my first week, basically I was in denial and isolating myself from my true feelings about the switch, the feelings of regret which I was suppressing and I was telling myself this was a great…emphasis on great (I hope you read this in Josh Peck’s voice) decision. Needless to say that first week was tough, but then we move onto anger.
Flash forward to the third and fourth weeks of the college world and I unleashed my inner donkey kong. By goodness was I an internally angry duck, the distain for my classes was real, I mean raging internally while learning about Microsoft was hard to keep inside. Thank goodness for my awesome friends for listening to my craziness. I was so mad at myself, flipping back to the past, being angry about not choosing my dream school in the first place. This brings me to bargaining.
Ahhh that bargaining phase, I am in no way religious so with whom I was bargaining can be left to your imagination. Basically I thought; why didn’t my dad just push me to go to Western? Damn him! Why didn’t I think more about my decision? Why didn’t I more thoroughly research everything involved in each school? Dammit Chrisinda, why did you just not think? Now the next stage of actual grief is depression, which I am pretty sure I didn’t go through since I am positive person in general so this stage was likely just filled with McDonalds and Scandal.
By the second month of school, I was beginning to accept the decision I made and realizing that this was probably the best decision I could make for myself. Let’s face it, this year is way less stressful academically and athletically, I only have a one night a week obligation to one skating team; I have easy classes (well except for the two interesting ones). I have accepted that this year is not a waste, that while in college and not having a heavy workload I can figure out my plans, they may not be in full, but they are one step closer than they were last year.
I am 19 years old, and for my years I would like to self describe myself as one wise sassy cookie, and if this is what figuring out the future is, then is it really that bad?