The single gal

Okay, this is not meant to be one of those, I’m single and I need no man to define me posts and its not meant to offend anyone who needs a semblance of a social life. BUT there seems to be a large stigma for girls that they NEED a boyfriend, and that they need to get married at a certain age and they yearn for a dream guy every day and won’t be fulfilled without one…blah blah blah.

Oh and all those movies that barely pass the Bechtel test and are all about girls going for the guy (check out the test here http://bechdeltest.com) It seems to be a huge thing in some peoples world to have this five year plan, and get married and have kids by 30…yeah no thanks.

Here is my thing, when one of my girlfriends gets a boyfriend I expect the sort of One Tree Hill gossiping about said boy, not to be ignored by that friend as soon as they get a boyfriend. People this has happened to me, more than once and frankly it sucks.

The topic of boys in general, yes I like them, I have nothing against them. However, I do have a problem with the whole idea that you should have a boyfriend in high school, and that you should be married by a certain age, or that you need a man and you’ll be happier. Like, okay, I am 19, I had one disastrous (okay maybe not disastrous) date, and that was last year, 18 years old…first date EVER. My friend from kindergarten who has been my date to all formal events does not count, don’t even try. My point here is right now I am trying to find me, and if that happens to involve a boy, than it does, but I will not go out of my way to find one and make that my priority. GIRLS its okay to be you, and embrace you, by yourself. It’s okay to go to events by yourself. It’s okay to focus on getting a degree before you get married.

If we look at every rom-com we see, they are all about a boy, all about getting the guy and falling in love and living happily ever after. Now, in the shows I watch I don’t get much of this. Take Orphan Black for example, most of Tatiana Maslany’s clones are not engulfed in boy drama, this is not to say that there isn’t any, but the focus of the show is the clones finding themselves, not the clones finding a boyfriend or girlfriend.

found on google

found on google

Now, it is human nature that one needs companionship to lead a healthy life but does that mean pushing out other friendships as well? Mostly, I wish more girls and women knew that maintaining friendships is just as important as maintaining intimate relationships.

Maybe I’m an anomaly, but many women are afraid to be single…except I love my alone time. I love not be bothered while I’m crafting or reading and not having any social responsibility, its actually the sweet life…for now at least and this is the only area of my life I don’t want to plan (surprisingly). Eat pray love people, well more like eat eat laugh, but you get the idea.

The F-word

In my recent travels as young woman, I have come to realize something. I am becoming more and more about feminism more each day. I read this article on Buzzfeed about these girls who were saying they didn’t need feminism and why they didn’t need in their lives. However, they are technically still spreading the feminist word through not conforming to feminism, whatever that means. I have always been a strong advocate for women’s rights; I am a woman who believes in equality with everyone, including men. That is the definition of feminism according to dictionary.com “The advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men”.

The word “feminist” has grown to be negative connotation. Lena Dunham puts it perfectly “So many women have come to this idea of it being anti-male and not able to connect with the opposite sex, but what feminism is about is equality and human rights”. WOW! HOW AMAZING IS SHE! Sorry Lena, I have not watched Girls yet, but it’s on my list. Anyway back on track. The term feminist is seen as negative and its sad that so many people see it as a negative term, when it really shouldn’t be.

I have only hit the tip of the iceberg with my journey, so stick with me: I do not know everything about feminism, not even close. But, what I do know is that girls are ashamed of wanting more for themselves and a staggering amount think feminism is stupid. They only think of it in extremes. So many young, amazing, independent, thriving women are caught up in this idea of having a man to make life fulfilling, hey if that’s your journey go for it. Yes, it would be lovely to have boyfriend to rub my feet, paint my nails, and go out with, but for now I don’t have one and that is perfectly fine with me. The thing I want to advocate is that girls should not feel the need to have a boy or anyone define them. Every woman deserves enough confidence in themselves that they can love themselves thoroughly and still love someone else. Who says this can’t happen? I want women to know, it’s okay to challenge your male peers and state your opinion, its okay to go out with your friends and leave your boyfriend at home, it’s okay to love yourself and still find room for everyone else too.

“I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to 
fulfill my profession
, which I entered before my husband was in public life.” -Hillary Clinton

found on google

found on google

Also this stigma about feminists not shaving and all feminists being lesbians is a total lie.  Yes some woman choose not to shave and are lesbian may happen to feminists, but in reality the lack of shaving has nothing to do with the term. I mean, these people must save a buttload of money, but that is a personal choice that just happens to be done by a lot of feminists. And honestly girls, if the definition of feminism is to gain equality with men socially, economically, and politically, think about it: men shave too.

I will fight, not matter how useless people think it is, for a more equal world. We don’t see it up close and personal in Canada, but woman still get paid less than men. Women are still supposed to be the ones at home and husbands are supposed to work. Maybe it’s because I grew up in a non-traditional family (maybe you will get to hear more about this, maybe not, you’ll never know unless you come back) and want to make my own successes before I share it with someone else, but I believe every women to some degree should consider inhaling a bit of feminism, because as I said before, you don’t need to be radical, just aware. And the word feminism doesn’t need to be negative, maybe one day, when I’m long gone, the word might become positive.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/04/celebrity-feminists_n_3867173.html

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/i-do-not-think-it-means-what-you-think-it-means

found on google

found on google