The Personality Complex

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”― Harvey Fierstein

I have come to realize the importance of women helping women. Now, the title of this post may be a bit misleading because I am really just going to rant about the importance of healthy body image, and why you need no one else to validate your confidence etc. Now like every women on the planet I love compliment, like when I get one on a Monday I am happy for a week. In my life, okay so I’m 19 whatever, I may be a titch under qualified since I’m not a celebrity or master’s degree holder, but I have observed young, darling girls who are far too concerned with weight, staying perfectly skinny, and pleasing others etc.

Physical health, as I have said before, is obviously important. It’s obviously good for you since it helps stave of hearth disease, high blood pressure  etc. Except I find young women often neglect their personality and their mental health. They often think of being, for lack of a better word, cool as being uber smart and athletic. My issue with this is that they often neglect the several other characteristics they possess. I have seen brilliant girls who are humourous, brave, determined, and ambitious bring themselves down because of what others and themselves think of them. I think young women often forget how badass they are just for being a girl and forget to be the best them for them. I see girls out there at 18 years old itching to get married and have kids, hey if that’s your journey go to it, but I do think every young women out there deserves the opportunity to learn about themselves before delving into serious adult things. I know there is a stigma out there about wasting your 20s on school, finding yourself, etc. There is a delicate balance in that decade, between gaining a career, a significant other, and a family, all while maintaining some semblance of relationships with your already existing friend group.

found on google

found on google

 

There is this idea around women that if they wear makeup, its for someone else, or if they dress up, its for someone else, or if they are trying to eat a bit healthier its to lose weight, well you know what maybe I just have a lot of cankers and need to slack off on the sugar! Ever thought of that society? Huh? Did yah? No I didn’t think so.

“There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn’t matter anymore.”― Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls

I understand that exercise helps the brain, with producing endorphins which make people happy, and happy people don’t kill their husbands…(sorry Elle Woods took over for minute) but sometimes I think doing something that makes your body relax instead of work is good too. Some girls are obsessed with working out every day and think if they don’t they will gain weight. Well girls, when you are young, that is usually not a large issue until you are in your late thirties, early forties. So what if you miss a day or two? Will the world end? Is it so life shattering that you are mad at yourself and think you deserve a punishment?

You know, I really don’t know what the solution is to this stigma around body image, body shaming, girls harping on other girls etc. I feel like it starts in the education system, as youngins in kindergarten, all people, boys and girls alike NEED to be taught respect from the start. NEED to be taught if you don’t like someone just don’t say it, don’t express it to that person or anyone else that person knows. The education system needs to start implementing, again from 4 years old, the importance of spreading love instead of hate, of throwing around compliments instead of insults, to having a “smile at someone day” instead of another themed day. I cannot tell you the countless times my ideas of just those sorts of days were turned down during my time on student council, by none other than a male supervisor. Wake up people, we need to start seeing women bad-assery not as bitchiness or the superiority complex (those women do exist who have the “I’m better than you” attitude, you just ignore them), but that you can be confident in yourself without having to be questioned about why you are so confident, because let’s face, boys get to be confident without being questioned, so why are so many women?

“As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are – what others say is irrelevant.”― Nic Sheff

The Complicatedness of running (yes I made up that word)

I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of runners: experienced and inexperienced, I fall under the latter category. My mother falls into the first category, of running for over 20 years, meaning she can run far and stay with it mentally. Me: I run up the street and then want to turn around for ice cream, this is too often the thought I have when stepping out the door.

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When I was in grade eight, my whole goal in life was to be on every sports team and this included cross country, which is where I discovered my asthma more in depth than ever before. I had this awesome teacher who would run with me afterschool, even if it wasn’t a practice day. She was (well still is) this little tiny ball of muscle who can run like the wind without seemingly getting tired. But I never felt judged by her, so points to me.

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However, after grade eight was over and the summer was over, I got more into other things, not running, more exercise videos, skating more often etc. Well long story short, I stopped running for about a year and just skated. Then hit the 10k run my mom wanted to do in Halifax, so I was like well if I get to go to Halifax then why not. WRONG I WAS. I am an inexperienced creature, with my mind set always flashing to, “why am I not fast enough”, or “I wish I didn’t have asthma” or “people that see me must think I am super out of shape”. Okay, I was a tich dramatic. My asthmatic lungs frustrated me (and still remain a nuisance) in the short time I have been running. The unfortunate part about my asthma is that from grade 11 until now it has not improved, regardless of the steroid inhaler and Ventolin. Which brings me to the complicatedness of the sport of running.

So, people rave about running, how it clears the mind, and makes you feel good (accomplished after, good after, but during…whole other story). And, when the bulk of society thinks of a good runner as a fast runner it can be very discouraging. However, I realized that I will forever be a little slow poke, running beside my mother who evidently can go very fast for a very long period of time, seemingly not struggling as she picks up her feet and breathes properly. It was not until this summer, after a horrid run, no surprise here, with my mother, that I came to a realization about Chrisinda’s journey with running. I didn’t know why I cared so much about being fast. The nice thing though, about my tiny realization of being an avid slow person, is that at least I am trying. I may only run three times a week, slower than the average, but at least I am attempting to keep my lungs in shape, rather than not work them at all. I also realized running is much different than figure skating. A: it’s harder. B: you don’t get to wear skates…or dresses, and C: its way fricken harder. But, since the ice is not in my tiny town during summer I am forced to switch up and tackle the bare road.

But hey, I am not the only one who realizes this. Sophia Bush, the amazing in shape Sophia Bush, also, in her words “loathes running” and she has asthma too, which shouldn’t make me feel better but it does, I mean she does plays a bad ass cop (maybe I am secretly a bad ass cop). Mindy Kaling, also a great woman, is an avid slow jogger and admits motivation is super hard. So, as I continue to equate my life to celebrities, I also think of those who judge slow runners and say they are out of shape. Well, if you think about it, some people can’t even walk because of lung or heart disease. Why should it be your goal to run quickly? Or sprint all the time? Shouldn’t the goal just to be doing something good for your lungs in hopes of bettering your overall health? Yes, I think so. So if you’re like me and get really angry about being a slow runner and wheezing like an 80 year old just think of the cliché mom pep talk “at least you’re out there” or the wonderful quote “I run…I’m slower the a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter, but I run”.

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what is summer?

The idea of summer. Like, I mean all those weird quotes about: “make this the best one” or 30 things to do this summer (like who actually does those) or the magazines that are like, do this with your girls and go camping and shit. Am I the only one whose summer is not like this? I don’t fish, hunt, tan, have friends close enough (geographically wise) to go to the beach with every night, summer is literally the school year minus classes.

Everybody seems to love summer, especially summer in a small town. Let me paint this exquisite picture in your mind: Sunsets, camping, trails, and beaches, that small town grocery store, smiling at everyone downtown, wonderful images. Yet, when I arrived for summer my thoughts were not camping (we all know my allergies permit very limited outdoor interaction, poor Chrisinda), not sunsets, or trails. Beaches: hells to the yes. Grocery store a stone’s throw away: yes please. Food cooked by my papa: AWESOME. Our one screen movie theatre: da bomb. When I came home for the summer, my beautiful four month summer, I was so excited. THEN I remembered my friends both live 45mins away, so hang out time is limited and we work (stupid adult life, when did you happen). And lapsing back into doing literally everything with my mom. I go to the store with my mom, I watch Desperate Housewives with my mom, I workout with my mom, I run with my mom, I go for walks with my mom. Literally we do everything together, like Lorelei and Rory Gilmore’s disturbingly close relationship….enough said.

Then I think back to what was my regular life for 8 months, away from home, from parents, from my very close grocery store, and home rink in the big ol’ city of Ottawa and my life as an independent woman. I think back to busses, 6am mornings, and living beside my best buddy (shout out to lilydales) watching movies, causing shenanigans, following the poor dear around for some social interaction, and Starbucks. Yes, I didn’t think I would miss the city or living on residence, I mean I miss that my allergies were way better there and I miss my roommate and I miss my the breakfast club I really do, but I don’t miss buying my own groceries, or dealing with annoying floor sounds or weird boys playing music outside my window, which brings me to my current life and first summer home from uni.

Fastforward to life in BR, my first summer back from uni: I wake up, go to work (with my mom), I come home (with my mom), and I go running (surprisingly by myself), and then I watch TV (surprise, surprise with my momma). I literally have one of the most boring lives in the universe. Which is fine, I mean yes I don’t have the chance to methodically barge into my suitemates room or eat quiznos at 12am and my Instagram is sadly lacking in the typical hometown pictures. But, it’s weird though, because while most people spend weekends on the lake and drink beer with friends, I am that kid hanging out with her mom, drinking pepsi floats, zagging while the rest of the world zigs. Summer, never a season where I did much, accept work and chill around eating ice cream and binge watching seasons and reading books. But then again summer is all about not doing much, so why are magazines telling you 30 things to do this summer, assuming you have money and an ice tea maker that stuff is pretty unattainable. I am not the typical summer gal. I have read 6 books since May (haters gonna hate), watched two seasons of the unit, two seasons of Desperate Housewives, and discovered various amazing drinks with my mom’s Vitamix (this is Starbucks quality guys) and started painting again (YAY). Your summer doesn’t have to be what everyone else’s is, because it’s your summer.1511429_10151894959542143_1189308609_n

found on google

found on google

okay there buzzfeed

I came across an “article” on buzzfeed today called “23 Things That Inevitably Happen When You Start Getting In Shape” and they are all, for me anyway and most of the population complete lies. It basically says if you don’t workout you can’t be happy. I call shenanigans. Who actually, truly loves working out without having at least a little dread? Even I sometimes dreaded having to go to skating, but I did love it, it was my sport. However, the fact that it said “working out will be your favourite thing” is laughable. You can’t tell me, unless you have an actual obsession, that working out is your favourite thing to do, maybe the people you workout with are your favourite thing, maybe what you do after working out is your favourite thing, but don’t tell me that I can’t be happy without enjoying working out. Or as the article says, that “it rubs off on your friend”, but I despise when my friends push health on me, like shut up I will LIVE MY LIFE.   I understand that runners do enjoy running, as a release, enjoy dance as an active fun way of sweating, yoga, figure skating, hockey etc. And maybe working out does make you feel good but what this article does is bash those who don’t use working out to get endorphins can’t possibly be as happy, at least that is how I viewed it and so did several of the comments. You know what makes me happy, yes skating does, but so does reading, so does getting lost in a season of one of my favourite shows, so does laughing at my mom’s jokes and at the weird things that are posted on twitter.

adele

ironically enough I took this from buzz feed

jlaw

also, ironically enough, taken from buzzfeed

Here is the link to the article:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/things-that-inevitably-happen-when-you-start-getting-in-s